I have had a fair few knock backs over the course of my life already, and I know many people who get back up after every obstacle they fall at, and carry on.
I’m a very sensitive person, so when I try my best at something and I don’t succeed, I end up being pretty disappointed.
And then the self-hatred kicks in, “Why can’t I be one of the successful ones for once”.
So I have decided to put this post together, for all those stuck in that frame of mind, because one thing I have learnt recently is that the successful ones are the ones who had allllll the set backs in life, and decided not to give up at their first hurdle, but to carry on no matter how many times they failed.
Though compared to the less fortunate people in the world, I know I’m lucky to even have failed at certain things, such as exams or other challenges in my life, because some people in the world don’t even have the privilege of education, or certain things I have.
But saying that, sometimes it is just hard to pick yourself back up, so here are some tips to help you get back up, and carry on after failing:
- Don’t be so hard on yourself
When people fail they tend to be way to hard on themselves. A failure is rarely the end of the world, but it is easy to fall into to the trap of thinking that is. So learn to lighten up more and give yourself a break.
When a failure comes about, people tend to fall into a depressed slump, hiding from the world and feeling sorry for themselves. Take yourself for a walk. Breathe.
Remember that it really isn’t the end of the world.
- Failure is good
When we learn to ride the bike or walk we don’t think about failure being something bad. We just keep moving after we fall down. Then when we start school, people start telling us that failure is something bad, that taking risks are things to avoid. So throughout the years, with the help of school and what other people around us tell us, we develop a fear of failure.
That is where we were taught wrong. Failure is good. If we passed everything with an easy ride in life, we certainly would not appreciate the good things that happen to us. Yeah, it would be easy, but just remember, everything worth having in life takes hard work and a lot of persistence. So pick yourself back up, and tell yourself this is good. This is part of my journey to success.
- Your ego
As we attach more importance and weight to a failure it can become an important part of our identity. We may fail a couple of times and it devastates us, and so we may view ourselves as “failures”. The ego likes identify itself with things. Sometimes success. Sometimes failure. Even though you are just a person who failed on a few occasions your ego – a little voice in your head – tells you that you are a failure. Since people tend to treat you as you view yourself, they may reinforce this pattern.
So don’t take your thoughts too seriously, it can be way too damaging on not only how you view yourself, but how others view you too. Have confidence. You won’t get your promotion, or your dream job by having people believe your a failure. You need to show them you are success, no matter how many failures or times it’s taken.
- Being in the now
Children tend to be more present than adults. They do what they want without having their mind scattered on all kinds of other stuff. Of course, you can’t just run around in the grass with your arms stretched out imagining that you’re an aeroplane half the day.
You have responsibilities and such things, but you can still incorporate being present more of the time into your everyday life and thereby improving your concentration and performance and decrease the amount of time you spend over thinking your challenges. And perhaps, once in a while, you can still run around playing aeroplane.
- You learn
Instead of seeing failure as something horrible you can start to view it more as a learning experience. When standing in the middle of a failure, you can ask yourself questions like:
What positives can come from this situation?
What can I learn from this situation?
There is always one lesson or many more in what you may see as a failure. You gain experiences you could not get any other way.
Ideally, you probably want to learn from other people’s mistakes and failures. That’s not always easy to do though. Sometimes you just have to fail on your own to learn a lesson and to gain an experience no one can relate to you in mere words.
- You become stronger
Every time you fail you become more accustomed to it. You realise more and more that it’s not the end of the world.
You get desensitised. You can handle things that would have been very hard to handle a few years back. Failing can also have an exhilarating component because even though you failed you at least took a chance. You didn’t just sit on you hands doing nothing, and that took quite a bit of courage and determination.
- Your chances of succeeding increases
Every time you fail you can learn and increase your inner strength. So every failure can make you more and more likely to succeed. There is probably no other way to the success you dream of without a whole bunch of failures along the way.
I hope this post isn’t too much of a long ramble, and I hope it helps at least one person who’s stuck in a cycle of self-hatred because of failure.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even if it’s not clear yet, one day it will be.
So keep on working hard, try your best and that’s all you can ever ask of yourself.
Love to all my lovely readers!